After giving Chopper this card (we are admittedly both a little anti-romance) and then feeling like we both deserve more (though it made us laugh of course). I was reminded of something I saw on Oprah once (Oh Oprah.*sigh*). Elizabeth Gilbert was on, the author of the book Eat, Pray, Love; I absolutely adore her aside from her book, which I liked. I think she is smart, funny, beautiful and wise. Anyway she was talking about something she does to pick herself up when the self deprecating demons start to creep in, cuz if we listen to them, then we're frozen right?
So what she does is she writes herself a Love Letter. Not a romantic letter, but more a letter from a friend. A, what would you say to your friend if she felt the way you do about yourself on your worst day, letter.
Ahh run for the hills, totally corny, emotional yuck...right?
My response when hearing this from her was, how nice for her. She's obviously in a different calliber, place, whatever you want to call it, in her life... She's a writer... She's a millionaire... She's smarter than me...and then... why don't I listen to her?
It's probably been about 5 years since I saw that interview and I'd say it wasn't until this morning that I actually decided maybe to give it a go. I hadn't planned on sharing my letter, but I had planned on telling you about this great Elizabeth Gilbert style idea. And then I thought...what will motivate people to write one to themselves, really love themselves up before another 5 years goes by? I don't know if this will help, but here's mine and I'll tell you...it helped me.
Dear Persephone,
I wanted to let you know that I think you are beautiful. Inside and out. I know you don’t always feel that way and so I think it’s important for you to hear it. It is important for all of us, and frankly I don’t think we hear it enough. There are plenty of messages telling us that we don’t measure up somehow, and so it is a friend's job to say the good stuff. So I won’t stop there.
Actually, I’m going to go balls to the wall, no holds barred, with compliments today. I ask that you put aside the self depricating talk, though fun and oh so comforting. I’ve known you for so long and I know how you are, though you’ve come a long way and that has been a joy to see.
So here it goes.
I love that you like to dance, in public, whether a dance floor is available or not. If there is music that moves you, you move. I can tell that you sometimes get embarrassed, but you laugh through it, and it makes all those who may be embarrased for you feel a little more comfortable too. Someone told you once that you make this really goofy humming sound while you dance, kind of a below the radar laugh that just keeps going throughout the song, that must mean that dancing really makes you happy and so I’m glad you do it.
I like that you stay aware of how other people are receiving you, but also that you are learning not to bend to what you think they are perceiving. I know you grew up with a dad who will talk to anyone about anything, and so you decided you wanted to use a little more disgression. It is nice of you to check in with people to see if what you are talking about matters to them. It is great that you understand how time and energy are valuable, and the importance of respecting each others. At the same time I hate to see you keep your mouth closed or shy away because you think someone doesn’t want to hear what you have to say, so I am glad you are learning how to distinguish the difference and when to turn your filter off.
I love watching you mother Wesley. I love that you think you are tricky when you outsmart him to get him in clothes when he says he doesn’t want to get dressed, or eat when he says he isn’t hungry. It looks like you have a lot of fun with it. You make yourself laugh and mutter to yourself, thats cute. Wes loves you too, you can tell. He lights up when you or Chopper enter the room, and there is a part of you that believes he would do this whether you were the best or the worst mom, but the truth is...he lights up.
Lastly I love that you care about people so very deeply. I know, because I see your heart and how it swells at the sight of someones happiness or pain. I’m glad you still cry easily, but that you’ve learned other ways to express your emotions too. Sometimes with laughter, sometimes just with a view of the bigger picture. I love that one of your goals is to make other people feel good, warm, and welcome in your presence. I know other people with those attributes, the ones that are never shy to offer a compliment (and mean it), the ones that lift you up just by standing close by, or with a silent smile. I can tell you, you are well on your way.
With sincere love and grattitude for the experience of knowing you,
Persephone
Comments
Persephone, I couldn't have said it any better! The only thing I'd add to your letter is that you are a radiant being who brings everybody closer to joy just by being near you. You rock.
Nicolas and I actually went to dinner and to a play for Valentine's Day. Really only because the season tickets we had fell on that day. First time we've ever gone out for Valentine's, and I loved watching the all the dressed up women smiling with a flower in their hand. We do deserve more. : )
Oh Maddie! YOU are one of "those" people. I love how you lift others up, it actually amazes me and makes me want to model my behaviors after yours. I'm not blowing smoke, you were one of 3 people I was thinking of. (3?! Isn't that amazing of all the people I know...we peeps need some practice in lifting each other up no?)
So glad you got a nice night out...isn't the v-day thing splendid when you join the party? partnered or not, its the best night for people watching
I love you.
Woman you shore do shine bright. Thank you for not being afraid to shine out to us all. Love, MI
Oh Michelle coming from you SUCH a compliment. Thank you. xo
That was heartwarming. You are a bright, beautiful spirit, and it is truely a gift that you are so willing to share youself and your journey with us.
My ex-husband and I also prided ourselves on being anti-romance. It always made us feel uncomfortable, that romance stuff. We made fun of it, and felt tough and righteous. Who needs it? Now, though, I recognise that what it actually made me feel was vulnerable, and that vulnerability is an important part of intimacy. As I grew as a relational person, I found that, silly as it seems to my Yankee sensibilities, it is important to a relationship to indulge in romance. I now make a point to never miss an opportunity to sneak in a dash of romance, and encourage and appreciate it when offered to me. It's a kind of sparkle....like that red lipstick you mentioned:)
Thank you for sharing your experience Robin. I think I talked Chopper out of romance in the beginning and now we are both starting to realize that in this crazy world of disconnection, we deserve a little admiration and outward expression of our adoration for each other. I look forward to warming more to it. Glad you've found your sparkle ;)
I only met you in person once but I knew right then that you were an amazing person.Wes is lucky to have you as a mom and I am positive that he knows it!!:)
I don't know Chopper, but I hope that he knows it!!
Thank you so much Jenn, that is so nice of you to say. I hope our paths cross again, they should (!) no?
Just saw this and I love you too.
So much love Hannah, you continue to inspire me. thank you
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